I wrote this after some wine. Just sentences…
There’s Nosferatu shadows on the Plato cave walls.
The Daily Mail is an equal opportunities fury supplier. It enrages the readers who agree with it and it enrages those who despise it. It is an S&M mistress, tightening the buckles around whatever extremity gives you the most pain.
Always brashly confident in their sneering contempt for anything that may be unusual in their view of England as a Constable knock off placemat, they have a new aggression post Brexit. They demand that anyone who rejects their reality as some ultimate truth be crushed, or be aware that they may well be at some time in the future if they don’t mend their ways.
This is the post fact world at its most muscular, ludicrous only to those who noticed the yapping dog pull back the curtain to reveal the sweating, charlatan Dacre-Wizard pulling the levers.
These are the days where headlines are threats again.
Pumped up with their latest victory of leading us further into a petty and rancorous pit, the bullies precariously swing their old willow cricket bats and remind those who might get in the way, “we can break you through rumour that’s just on the right side of IPSOS and there’s nothing you can do about it”.
2016 is the year of the yobs of all classes, the spiteful bully is the role model of this nasty little catwalk.
Not content with veiled threats to the judiciary, Saturday’s Mail online, when not flirting with bikini teens, decided its front page should be a left leaning, once a month, 40 seat comedy club that charges £3 entry. Lolitics, a small haven of wit and bile and politics that caters to up to 480 people a year, had overstepped the mark of taste and decency, and the dogs needed to be unleashed on its MC and organiser, Chris Coltrane. That is the democracy of the tabloids, your stature does not come into it, just make sure you know, the fine wine, French castle Krays are watching you through their non-dom shutters.
Back at 1am from Margate Winter Gardens, and distracted by a glass of whisky and Carry on Screaming, I noticed a petition that asked for the removal of the Daily Mail as the free newspaper of choice on British Airways. It seemed that some were concerned that a newspaper that has a habit of demonising “them that ain’t from around here” was not possibly the best paper for a carrier of people who ain’t from around here into the country.
Retweeting the petition was a mistake at that time of night, I was soon told that this was the censorious left at work. Surely it is censorious if all newspapers are offered and this one has been picked out to be banned? Is it not censorious to all the other newspapers who are not available for free?
Voltaire or Beatrice Hall wrote, “I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it”, he didn’t add that he will defend to the death the right for your opinion to be prioritised above all others as well.
Those rich enough to own the print media haven’t seemed so bullish since the miners strike, and then there was a more robust opposition amongst the many current affairs documentaries that were screened prime time and a media owned by a greater number of individuals.
Recording a Book Shambles podcast with Josie Long and Alexei Sayle, they told me my down at heel demeanour was not necessarily necessary. I am hoping the ugliness just seems uglier because it can be distributed into so many real and virtual corners. Last night, I saw someone buy a homeless man a whole pizza. Let me try and burn that on my mind, not the mob demands and repetitive hypocrisy of Farage.
We are in danger of being led by those grocers on war horses I read about and now can’t remember where the bloody quotation is from, probably either Napoleon or GK Chesterton.
The threat of bad publicity can corrupt our judiciary, our politicians or even our Match of the Day presenters. This is The Outer Limits. They demand to control the horizontal and the vertical, and the rest of your perceptions.
The shadows on the cave wall haven’t looked this threatening for a while.
Dead Funny Encore, with stories by Isy Suttie, Natalie Haynes, Stewart Lee, Alan Moore and more is out NOW.
Dead Funny Ecn