I Wish I Was As Certain As the Others – A Confused Liberal Writes

Who are the baddies and who are the goodies?
I don’t pay enough attention.
I’ve lost track.
I think I never was on track, though I might have thought I was once.

I am sure there were some people I read about a while ago who were the good guys, but then I read something over someone’s shoulder yesterday, and it seems there were the bad guys all along.
Someone should compile a book, like Jane’s Book of Fighting Planes, Jane’s Book of Goodies and Baddies, or even a pocket volume by I-Spy books. Then, when I open the newspaper, I can turn straight to my reference work, and know if someone is ingrained nice or nasty. This could be a boon for politicians and columnists too, as they can be almost as easily confused as I am. This would have saved Sylvester Stallone making the mistake in Rambo 3 of thinking there were some well-meaning people who Rambo should consort with, who ended to be revealed by 2003 as having been evil all along.

Hard this foreign policy business, I am going to leave it to someone who knows, I am just not sure anyone does.

And if they do, I don’t think they are telling us until they have sold the things they are pitching. Some of the people who were “brave” are now “cowardly”, and vice versa.
Perhaps rather than Jane’s Book of Fighting Terrorists, Panini could bring out an annual sticker book of the World Terrorist League, then we could keep an eye out on the transfers, year by year.
But that might damage the constant victories over our own memories that are required (Orwell misquote?).
If only the terrorists could be more honest, and when we are funding and tooling them to usurp who we used to think was evil, they could just own up and tell us, “just so you know, there is a going to be a reveal in act 3, lovely little dramatic moment, so it might be best you don’t give us those bazookas”.
And then we can tip our pith helmets and say, “thank you very much, this has saved a whole lot of hooha further down the line”.
Oh well, at least I am still a member of the good guys league, I just checked the newspaper.

I am gabbling across the UK and beyond (US and Australia next year) – from Goole to Cardiff, Dublin to Sheffield and on and on. Dates HERE

a Horror and Comedy night to tie in with the publication of Dead Funny is happening HERE with Stew Lee, J Long, C Higson and the like.

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3 Responses to I Wish I Was As Certain As the Others – A Confused Liberal Writes

  1. Peter says:

    Perhaps the solution here would be in international henchman recruitment agency, al la Bond, Austin Powers etc. By monitoring a surge of said henchmen in regions across the world, we could identify those in power who we should now fear. Just a thought.

  2. Scurra says:

    I remember someone doing a sketch once where they did the International Terrorists FA CUp draw, with two men pulling numbered balls out of a hat, and the “fixtures” being announced. (“The Red Brigade will meet… Hezbollah.”)
    I have sometimes wondered if that’s how we should deal with all our policies – at the start of a year, the Prime Minister would randomly draw out some names from a hat and those would be the people we would be hating and fearing this year. At least that way, everybody would know where they stood.

  3. Is anyone really surprised by the ambiguity? To me it seems this is a perpetual wild card process of ‘patsy’ creation that does more than a good job of distracting populations from their tedious and well crafted subjugation by morally apathetic borderless corporations. It appears to be a mere run of the course for corporate fanatic national governments. The occurrence of a ‘bad guy’ is definitely no surprise for them. The only surprise is where it comes from and how they should publicise it. There are plenty of baddies around the world that we just don’t hear about because it doesn’t suit their narrative. Bloody sociopaths! And they’re in charge.

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