The Fury of the Beachfront (A review of Brighton’s Anger)

I love and fear the Pointless Anger shows. Michael Legge and I did another one last night. 

Put simply, it is two friends showing off to each other and an audience with as little showbiz artifice as they can manage. I had my list of 29 things of things that had made me angry from last week’s show but, fortunately on the 14 minutes walk from the station to the venue, I thought of 7 more and wrote them on the back of my hand.

The fear comes from the show being almost entirely off the cuff. If things go really awry with our immediate ideas, we do have some anger we have made earlier, though in an environment where most stuff is busked, the fakery of a routine becomes more blatant. It’s that talk show interview technique where the host asks a question that could be summarised as, “great to have you on here Brad, now what I really want to ask you is…do you have a routine on anything which we could make the most cursory attempt at pretending is conversation?” 

My list last night included –

  1. songs that when heard or a shop or on the radio sound like they are quite good, but if you buy them you realise it was just that they were less ghastly than everything else that pervades commercial radio or Next. (frankly, I am guessing that Next play music to shop by, I am not much of a clothes shopper)
  2. Nick Cave – why is he never in the audience at my Brighton shows, I always go to his shows and he only lives down the road. Everyone in Brighton seems to have a story of meeting Nick Cave on the dodgem cars or seeing him argue over the sausage content of a breakfast, but not me. Michael then made it worse by saying he once saw Nick Cave having a light sabre fight with his son. Bastard. 
  3. Middle aged men who flirt with young waitresses or air crew because they seem to have no sense of awareness that they are now old and creepy. 
  4. Michael Gove (though we take that as read at all shows)

 

Michael was angry about…well, i can’t bloody remember, but he promised to write it up 5 hours ago and hasn’t, which makes me angry. I think he was angry about kindness and goodness and people who don’t stalk deer and then banged on about how he is angry he is no longer allowed to fox hunt…at least, I think that’s what he said 

1. (michael fails to meet deadline here)

The audience went with –

  1. young children given luxury lollies such as Magnums when they should still be in Fabs or Ice Pops. (I have found out the best way to lure children away from luxury ice lollies is by letting them look in the freezer cabinet and saying, “which one of those do you think would look best dropped in gravel…because you know you will”)
  2. Cheap knicker elastic that leads to internal pants slides within jeans.
  3. The triangle, square and rectangle shapes in Mister Maker being three dimensional – “no, you are not a triangle, you are a pyramid. and you can shut up square that is a cube.”
  4. being charged for printing out tickets in your home, with your own paper, ink and printer. 
  5. Young people being so pleasant that it has hard to be furious with their uncouth ways because they haven’t got the knack of being appalling like we used to be. 

 

oh and Martin Rossiter sang some beautiful songs while Michael sat next to him, looking halfway like Andrew Marr on a Sunday and a little bit like Hinge after she’s had a row with Brackett (kids, ask your parents if you don’t know that reference) 

and that is the summary of Brighton’s anger. 

We’ll be back being angry at the Comedy Cafe, London and NN Cafe, Northampton next month, and I am off to places like Uckfield, Eastbourne, Falmouth, Bath and Sheffield. All stuff like that HERE

all my DVDs and that sort of thing are HERE

 

FOOTNOTE

Michael sent me this eventually, not what I asked for. He makes me angry. It all works very well.

“Last night our audience could not hold back their fury any longer in a world that allows overly polite children, plastic bag holders, the kids TV show Mr Maker, cheap knicker elastic and people who give their little ones Magnums instead of Zooms. Basically, our audience hated children. You were furious over Nick Cave’s insistence that he won’t follow your career and I went ballistic over my inability to be cool even when the opportunity is handed to me. Martin Rossiter sang to me and made me feel a bit like Andrew Marr at the end of his show and that seemed to calm me down but there’s definitely a feeling in the show already that suggests we’re starting to believe we are Daphne & Celeste. We are currently the only touring singers that perform their music in 2014.”

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